No one talks about the overwhelm, the sleep deprivation, and how much of a skill breastfeeding is.

I remember the crippling feeling each time he tried to latch. I let social pressure take over and continued for six months, even though I didn’t want to. The sleep deprivation continued, and I was unrecognisable to myself when I looked in the mirror, so I avoided it altogether.

Eighteen months passed before I finally self-referred, and it was confirmed that I had moderate postnatal anxiety and depression. Sadly, due to the pandemic, my CBT sessions were over the phone, and I didn’t feel much benefit.

What helped me the most after that was making time to work on myself physically. I had massages for the aches and pains in my joints from lifting the baby and breastfeeding positions.

I followed a postnatal Pilates programme and focused on eating well and nourishing myself. 'Bajra Rotlo' (made from pearl millet flour) with ghee and jaggery was my favourite meal, and still is! I noticed a difference in my skin and energy when I ate it consistently for the first two weeks post-birth.

Movement, even if it was just a short walk outside, really helped. Being in nature, listening to the sounds, and using all my senses felt so grounding and was a breath of fresh air from all the noise at home and in my head!

Some days, you feel on top of the world and like you can do this. But other days, you feel totally defeated, question your choices, and clock-watch to count down until bedtim… and that’s totally okay!

 It’s all part of motherhood and doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you human. 

Talking is key, and remember, you are not alone.