It was a night about five weeks after my son was born. He was crying & nothing would settle him. The sound was tearing me apart, I felt helpless & useless. I was beyond exhausted. My body ached all over, & the crying made my skin crawl. It felt like torture. That’s when the image came into my mind, a horrific thought of harming my son to make the crying stop. For a moment, it felt visceral, as if it could bring relief.

Then guilt & shame swept over me. I was horrified that such a thought could even cross my mind. I remembered my work as a therapist & knew what to do. I started singing out loud. Every time the thought returned, I sang louder until it faded away. That night was the hardest, but it was also a turning point. I needed more tools.

Over time, I worked with my own therapist, to create strategies to face these thoughts head-on & stop them from taking over. Self-compassion became my lifeline, reminding me I wasn’t a bad mom, I was just overwhelmed. Now, through workshops I help parents understand that intrusive thoughts are common, can be managed and that there is help when it all becomes too much.